Past: I have had a serious health issue since the 1990’s. I saw what was a tendonitis transform into arthritis and leukemia over the years. Recently I had a bone marrow transplant with great success. The transplant also cured the arthrisis and for the first time in more than 20 years I could walk like a normal person and even run. Wow. And all the doctors said the bones were fused.
Health Problem. It came back but under a different form. The new immune system attacking the lungs. Result: No lungs left, unable to walk, even more so that before. But now death is much closer since with these lungs I’m way more disabled, and at risk.
Problem or Illusion? :
I have tried over the last 2 years the passive non-dualistic way and I have accidentally uncovered layers of beleifs etc, that made me more relaxed and calm. Non-Dual 'Love' relieves all fear and stress. But the lungs do not improve.
The non-dual life I’m experiencing is too passive, I’m lazy, and most unusually very neutral, I mean no desires. No desires, no need for money, no need for anything much. No need for food. What keeps me eating is a newly developed stomach ache. As a result, I don’t take care of myself well.
Healing, seems, demands some physical work and work at the belief & emotional levels. Physical work without some serious motivation is impossible at this moment.
A couple of nights ago I felt very empty. No desire at all. No appreciation for beauty at all. Nothing. It felt weird and scary. There was no joy, no love and no direct connection to anything even me. No hate, no dislike. No attraction.
I'm not sure what/how to do.
1. Ignore non-dual when working for health.
2. Ignore health and live for 'now'
Issue - I'm running out of time ($avings)