The End of Seeking For . . .
I’m not certain when the ceasing per se ceased. I only recognized it happened after the fact when I recalled a partial statement I offered Siddha Buddha in response to one of his posts: “I no longer seek peace of mind, liberation, enlightenment, bliss, happiness or the end of suffering.”
That phrase ended up echoing in my head, as it were, for days; the truth of it just resonating within.
So how and when did this “not seeking” occur? Somewhere in between the many oscillations of transcendent awareness practice and embodied awareness practice, back and forth, to and fro, somewhere in that nonexistent pendulum arc a threshold I didn’t notice was crossed; unnoticed and yet as natural as breathing in and breathing out.
This movement occurred over time, a gradual dropping down from head into body and heart; a settling into form and embodied presence. It is the movement of awareness of experience and the description of experience, when there is that momentary lull - between trying to remember and choosing the right words – when all is one and nothing really need be said. In there somewhere I was still and a shift occurred.
There really is no preference between transcendent awareness and embodied awareness; there is just shifting perception, revealing glimpses of what is always in plain sight, obscured only by conditioned mind, assumptions and beliefs, so-called knowledge and teachings of how it is or is supposed to be. And this marketplace clamor is it also. But this is “known” and nothing new.
For now it is less about attaining spiritual states of being and more about seeing what actually unfolds and presents, presents and unfolds.
These are just words of course, superficial things, carriers of a storyline momentarily appearing in your mind before dissipating into emptiness once again. And these words are not to be construed as markers of some spiritual topographical map or signposts to awakening; they are just scudding clouds in consciousness, here for a while than gone. And what remains in form is that which sees and hears and feels what there is to see, hear and feel.
If there is anything here maybe its recognizing what is already known . . . that that which hears the inner commentary never adds to it.