Seventh Decade, reborn constantly
For 8 - 10 years I have maintained a public platform where people can exchange views on what might be new ideas for them, (this Never Not Here). I have never really investigated my own motives for doing it, and perhaps they are as simple as “I can do it”.
I used to seed the platform with a variety of (radical, life is an illusion type) ideas that reflected how I started out, and who was coming to watch. I catered to the expectations of that audience. The one good thing that I chose, was never to tie my lifestyle to any idea set and thus I was always free to come and go from it. I was free to investigate where my insights pointed me. My life always belonged to me, not to the viewer.
The subject matter looked at what are identification structures, and how are beliefs formed (and un-formed). We say through experience; but that always seemed to be the weakest link in that material. The teaching centered around techniques to dis-identify from your norm. I saw that methodology be adopted as life denial in so many cases that I felt a responsibility for throwing thousands into the doldrums of their life. They just got little glimpses of sugar, and mind gaming all sorts of reasons and wherefores. But they never grasped any true power nor empowered their daily life. I am not commenting on the intention of thise messages, but on how they were picked up. And I believe that there is a responsibility to that too.
Of course you could say that they were already in the thick of that malaise, so naturally they would flock to it? Disassociation is a relief if you define yourself as deeply into suffering. But I thought it just as easy to attempt to break it.
Actually I do have a precedent form the 80’s when I roamed around finding what is different from my narrow view as a big city boy. Those times were mind altering, but I wouldn’t necessarily give that quality away to some other personality. I can give respect to those whom I met, but new ideas, wherever they come from are a powerful force to change our path through life and change our feelings about that life. I could say an awful lot about that.
If we give a great meaning to those new ideas, then they can enslave us. We can continue to chase after them for this lifetime. It is not so much the ideas that enslave us, but the belief that they possess some special meaning. The thought that there is something out there worth chasing is the most enslaving component.
Every positive is a negative. A good search for a pot of gold is a denial of the pot of gold that I already have. Personally I have rephrased every teaching, and found that it is again another denial of my life if pursued seriously. (It is ok to play.)
On the 9th of November I turn 71. Honestly I have stopped denying my life a long time ago. Neither do I deny anyone else’s claims. They are just irrelevant for me. That one act has made so many miracles, they are the one constant of my life. Of course miracle is just a relative term from those denial years when nothing of much of value would unfold. Change occurred often, but not in my emotional make-up and anxiety level. Now anxiety is a very distant memory, and miracle has no special meaning. It is just that life is amazing. Seeing that is a choice that I myself make every day (hour). But it is just effortlessly natural.
People think that I am lucky that I learned so much from talking to so many masters and teachers. The best part of that mix was my realization that every teaching robbed me of myself. I stopped giving away the store. I hardily recommend that to all.