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When the ground of certainty falls away . . .

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mtony502's picture
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Walking down the street one day mind is doing it's monkey-mind thing chattering away: "what should be done first", "what can be put off", "who should be talked to about this", "is there enough time for that", etc, etc", when unexpectedly, and inexplicably, the sense of being someone ("me") falls away, and there's nothing tethering mind ("me" identity) to mental terra firma. And like watching a split-screen TV, something sees mind ("me") dissipate into silence and stillness and the sense of "me" is no more. Yet awareness remains . . . witnessing a world (screen) filled with many, many interconnecting appearances.

And the story of Tony is recognized as a transparent veil of identity. And intuitively it's noted Tony's behavior and so-called interactions with the "world" during any given day are, by and large, auto-pilot driven.

"I" exists . . . not as body, idea, or story-of-"me", but as I-Amness, I-awareness, I-aliveness, I-Being, and most curiously, WITHOUT any automatic understanding, knowing or knowledge of, "what this means" or "what is" true. Just Being. Hmmm.

Awareness witnesses Mind struggling to make conceptual sense of this as "embodied awareness". "I" (mind) interpret this temporary clarity of seeing (the falling away of "me") as new and unusual while simultaneously it all seems so very, very familiar and complete (I-awareness?).

"Before", I-awareness looked at "what is" through mind's filters of beliefs, assumptions, knowledge, experience, memories, aspirations, opinions and living this way felt "normal" if a little disorderly from time to time or chaotic and crazy if the bodymind action-figure was experiencing an earthquake, mud-slide, forest fire or civil riot (all potential aspects of California living?).

"Now" the filters are gone or seen as illusory and everything is present and immediate and alive and everchanging. "This" ("what "I" know about anything isn't so!") can feel liberating or terrifying or both simultaneously. Especially what mind ("me") thinks it knew and believed about "me"!

There's a disturbing undercurrent of DISBELIEVING Beliefs because they are now leeched of any meaning or significance. Implying nothing ever THOUGHT is true. Yikes!

There's an unexpected lack of "obviousness" of how to Be in this apparent awakening. No reliable CONCEPTUAL hand-straps readily available to hold onto to steady the inner sense of imbalance.

So then what??? Well, there's "residual-conceptual-distortion" (seeing the world 'as usual') and marinating, ripening, maturing, deepening, transforming (call it what you will) happening simultaneously at its own pace. Once the veil of identity is ripped (it doesn't have to be shredded or tattered), the stitches and patches in the repaired identity are evident. The world seen through this awakened point-of-view may now appear more vibrant, colorful and alive or more empty, bleak and meaningless depending on the length and clarity of one's glimpse beyond mind's veil.

So what remains is enjoying the seeing. Enjoying the not-knowing. Enjoying the everchangingness. Enjoying the aliveness of Being. Or not.

The thing is, there's no un-ringing the bell of awakening once it's rung and heard. It's echo reverberates inwardly, on the one hand seeming to require keener and keener attention and effort to hear the fading decibels while on the other hand awakening awareness silently reverberates inwardly effortlessly expanding beyond bodymind's mental boundaries. Either way Consciousness always is. Namaste.

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YouTube Channel: Ordinary Consciousness
By: MTony502

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